Feeding My Child to the Wolves

           

           Tomorrow is the day I’ve been dreading for the past six weeks, sending my first born off to public school. I feel as if I am feeding him to the wolves. I know I'm not and I know he will be fine and thrive through this new experience. He has been attending a Christian school for the past few years. This year we couldn’t afford it, especially with his little brother starting kindergarten next year, and his other little brother starting two years after that. My husband and I both feel starting our oldest in public school this year is the right decision and it is following what God wants for our family. Nevertheless, my heart hurts.
            I loved his previous school, I loved the Christian values he learned from there, I loved that he was learning about our heavenly father daily, I loved that my son was prayed for daily not just by me but by his teachers, I also loved how the school loved on my son. How he was part of their family!
            So while I know he will be ok at his new school and I truly feel we are following God’s path for our family, my heart aches that he will be exposed to so many more things, both good and bad, than he would have been at his previous school. And yes I know all the same things that happen at a public school can happen at a Christian school, however the population is smaller, the classes are smaller, and the risk is a bit smaller. Maybe these thoughts aren't factual but that is how my heart feels.

            So tomorrow, I will be a little depressed, because I feel like I am feeding my child to the wolves. The wolves that will burst our little protective bubble that we have created for ourselves and our family the past few years. Whether that bubble is actually there or in my imagination is irrelevant. I have kept my precious little boy as close to my heart in my protective arms for a long time, not willing to share him anymore than I have to protect his sensitive little heart (and mine too, if I’m being honest.)
            On the other hand, my brain is extremely excited for him to start in this new direction. I've heard nothing but amazing things about his new school and when we met his teacher she seemed fantastic. I also have nothing against public schools; the ones around us are great. It just hasn't been the route we have chosen in the past. I know we may have been a little too protective and he will need to learn how to cope with the outside world and find his own way, while hopefully following God. I know this is going to be great for him, but still my heart hurts.
            So, I'm not sure where this new path will take us. I don't know if we will continue with public school or turn back to private school. What I am sure of is that while tomorrow will be hard for me, I will be strong and it will be like all his previous first days of school. I will hug him and kiss him and pray for him and encourage him and count the hours until I have him in my arms again. And I will try to not think about the wolves.